It is not something new or this won’t be the first time, you will hear someone say “Let it go” when the problems weigh you down. However, as cliched as it might sound, it can be a useful piece of advice. FORGIVENESS is such a deep yet simple concept that people feel they understand it and still find themselves struggling with it.
You might think it is unjust to forgive someone when they have wronged you. That grudge you hold feels more like a right ready to be claimed rather than an afterthought. Forgiveness, however, might help you reach a truce with the wound and allow you to heal. And it is crucial to tend to these bruises as people you love might cut on these broken edges and bleed.
“Forgiveness is not for them, it’s for you”
Everyone deserves forgiveness. Why you may ask? Because you deserve to be at peace. Period. It is only by coming to terms with an unfortunate incident, we can free ourselves from its weights and fly towards peace and happiness.
Forgiveness is an act of acceptance and letting go that helps unload the unnecessary baggage from your life and make your life less adulterated. It is an act of self-care and self-love that you bless yourself with.
Now there is a difference between letting go and being indifferent. When you are being indifferent, aloofness, apathy, and detachment come to forces. On the other hand, when you let go of your hurt and forgive someone, you send them your love all the while denying them access to your time and energy.
HOW TO FORGIVE SOMEONE
Forgiving someone is not a behavior, it is a mindset. It is a journey you take on one step at a time towards healing and decluttering your life space. There are a few techniques you can use to forgive someone and purify your life and mental energy:
- Let go of your ego: When you keep fixating on how something affects you, then that’s your ego talking. Instead of focusing on this “I” specific part of the perception, try to view the event from an observer’s/ third party’s point of view.
- To err is human; to forgive, divine: How are both of you responsible for this mess? You might be operating under the notion “it’s them, not me” but more often than not its both of your contributions at play, and there is nothing wrong with that. When you bring them down to the human level, you will begin to see how their experiences and perceptions make them a flawed human being. As humans, everyone is entitled to make mistakes. Acknowledging others as humans might open a gateway in your perception and give them leverage to make mistakes. The moment you accept this, you will be able to accept them and begin the journey of forgiveness.
- Keep your expectations realistic: Believe others’ reality and not their potential. You need to accept the kind of person they wanted to be and the decision they took. Everyone is a spiritual journey, doing their best to learn. Empathize with them. They did not know better. More often than not, we are hurt not because of their behavior, but because of our expectations of them. It is crucial to view them in their authentic human persona rather than building an ideal image of them. Their behavior is the reflection of their true self.
- Give yourself time to grieve: Betrayal, heartbreak, and disappointment hurt. They pinch and gnaw at your soul. But it is all right. You are hurt and you deserve some time to grieve. Forcing yourself to move on might backfire on you. So sit with this feeling of sadness. Do not run away from it. Accept the emotions as they arise and when you feel ready, forgive, and heal. Everything is going to be fine. Your wounds will heal.
- Live in the present: Rumination is the wall between your blessings and negativity. Cross that bridge. Stay in the present moment. The past is gone. No one can hurt you here and now. You don’t need to relive the trauma to put unnecessary strain on your mental, emotional, and physical health. Let the trauma remains where it belongs to. In the Past.
- Detach lovingly: They hurt you. I know they shouldn’t have. Do what you need to do to heal now. Wish them well. Send them love. Pray for them. Move on towards happiness. Don’t look back.
- Keep the lessons with you: Even when you have restored the balance of your life and move on, make sure to take the lessons with you. Every bad incident in our life teaches us something, about us, about them, or the world. These lessons shape your wisdom. They shape who you are. So make sure to remember them or you might be vulnerable to repeating your mistakes.
It is as important to forgive yourself, as it is to forgive another. Only then the true process of forgiveness will be completed.
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